After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Randomize
