It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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