I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
