listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she told me i tasted like america
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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