while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
