Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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