We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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