The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
