Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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