no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I could fuck to npr.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
