People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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