He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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