I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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