Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
