I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
