P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
