who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
