I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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