Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
