you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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