why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
