It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
