Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
