dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
