I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
