Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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