she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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