when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The air taste purple.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
