Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
