I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
