sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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