my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
