My hand turned me down
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
