I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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