you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
