so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
