So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
