Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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