i jhust puked up my retainher.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
