I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
