I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
