it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
