I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
