my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
