Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
