Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
