She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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