I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
