***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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