Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
