you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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